lemon.

An Alternate Career - or - Urban Rebounding Review!

Backstory: As you might have noticed, I’ve been on something of a “workout kick” lately (I’d link but TUMBLR - FIX YOUR SEARCH FUNCTION). And by “workout kick,” I mean, “holy shit, I’m climbing Mount Rainier in less than two months, I’d better starting doing something other than leisurely walking places.” I digress. Anyhow, to this end, I’ve been giving classes at my fancy local gym a shot. After Body Pump and (accidental) Body Combat (again, my apologies for the lack of linking, blame tumblr), I was dying to try Urban Rebounding… trampoline cardio! What’s not to love?? Anyhow, I tried to go to Urban Rebounding FIVE times before the class actually happened, for various uninteresting reasons. So here goes the tale of the class, as relived in an IM conversation with Julia….

Julia: i mean, look at the urban rebounding website!

J: http://www.urbanrebounding.com/

J: that is MASCULINE

me:  haaaaaaaaaaaa

me:  to be fair, I was DRIPPING SWEAT

J:  so do you just like jump on the trampoline while holding weights?

J: i don’t really get it

me: first you just jump

me:  which gets the heartrate going

me:  in different like, routine thingies

J:  do you have to like kick your legs out or anything while you jump?

me: yeah

me: it’s hard to get at first

me: and FAST

me:  those bitches can like, jump side to side before I’m even on one side

J:  whoa

me:  and you jump and kick

me:  forward backwards

me:  then you use hand weights

me:  thank god someone told me to grab like 2 lb-ers or else I would’ve been like, I can do five!

me:  yeah, no, I can’t do five

me:  you jump in your little learned routine

me:  (side to side, kicking out, etc.) and coordinate your hands with weights

J:  jesus

me:  the entire time I was thinking how embarrassing it would be WHEN I fell on my ass

me:  oh, and in between, as a cool down (to get your heart back into your chest instead of beating three feet in front of you)

me:  you do like, yoga on the side of the trampoline

me:  feet on floor, hands on trampoline, plank

me:  DIEEEEEEE

J:  holy fucking shit

J:  like

J:  imminent death

me: but at least your heart stops beating in your toes

me: then you do more weights

me:  then you use a weighted bar as a stabilizing pole

me:  and do stuff

me:  then you use the bar on your shoulders while you do one-footed squats on the trampoline

me:  looking back.. I’m a little surprised I didn’t die. So! Wanna come? :)

J:  i would have to wear a padded suit

me:  haaaaaa

J:  but also, kind of?

J:  more just because i’m curious :)

me:  haaa

me:  that’s why I went

me:  I was like, it’s on a trampoline! How hard can it be??

me:  turns out the correct answer is: VERY

me: also, if [redacted company of employment] doesn’t work out, I think I have career potential as “very graphic exercise class describer”

J: hahah

J: totally!

J:  you could like write for self or something