lemon.

A nightmare. In 3-5 business days.

This is the story of how I’m completely and totally FedUp. And I’ll stop using puns now.

Anyhow, this is an incredibly long story about FedEx and their unacceptable and dishonest practices. Too long; didn’t read, etc. But please bear with me..

It begins with a completely wonderful and lovely gesture. My grandmother and aunt decided to send me an early 30th birthday present. I knew something was coming but had no idea what or why or any of the important facts so when a brown cardboard FedEx box about the size of a shoebox appeared at my apartment, I was intrigued. My birthday isn’t for two plus months.

Nonetheless, I opened the box, read the card, and realized they were sending me a pair of diamond earrings my grandfather had given my grandmother decades ago. I was completely touched beyond words. The wordlessness lasted a bit longer when I opened the box and discovered a cream-colored jewelry box. I opened that box and was horrified. It was empty:

Thar she is! An empty jewelry box. And yes, it’s from Jared… because my aunt took the earrings there to have them cleaned up before sending them to me, not because my grandfather was one of those “he went to Jared!” guys. Never fret.

Some quick facts about the shipment:

-it was insured, a fact only determined by scanning the barcode

-there was nothing on the outside of the box to indicate its value

-it was packed by FedEx employees in Florida (where my family lives), who had seen the contents

-the box itself, a FedEx cardboard box, could close without tape and was originally sealed by one piece of packing tape that was cut by the time it reached me

-my doormen signed for it and logged it into our building tracking system and placed it in our package room immediately, I watched this on video

Now, here’s what FedEx has done to investigate this:

-The package was delivered on Thursday, September 29th. I realized the issue at 7pm and my aunt and I both placed calls to 1-800-GO-FEDEX. We both told the story to customer service representatives and were given varying information.

-On Monday, October 3rd, I called FedEx back and was connected with a customer service agent who, after taking my tracking number and info, legitimately knew NOTHING of the case. She thought I’d ordered something that hadn’t arrived, then suggests the earrings are lost. Frustrated, I asked to be escalated and reached a different team that handles more specialized cases. I also started tweeting @FedEx.

-For the next four days, I spoke to the agent handling my case with great regularity. She told me she’d spoken to two guys (she made the mistake of giving their names) who saw on video my package leave the last warehouse sealed. I asked to see this video. She also told me there was no need to investigate any of the stops my package had made as they aren’t unpacked at any intermediate locations. Both of these statements are later contradicted by other FedEx employees.

-Two days after my first tweet, six days into this debacle, I finally hear from someone at FedEx social media, who asks for my story. I send her a long email, photos, and the claim form my aunt has filed, and don’t hear anything for two days.

-On Friday, eight days after this has begun, I finally speak with someone in security. He tells me this is the first he’s heard of the case. Eight days. He also tells me the two guys who saw my package leave sealed don’t have access to the security videos and that can’t possibly be true. And that we have to investigate every stop my package as made, which I initially requested and was told was unnecessary. He’s also the first person in eight days to actually call me. Every other call has been initiated by me.

-At this point, I am infuriated with their lack of communication, their blatant disregard for my time and energy, the fact that I’m doing all of the investigating, and the many employees who have mislead me, lied to me, and given me basic lip service. I make this much clear. Yelling, slamming down phones, more angry tweeting, emails… all forms of therapy, so to speak.

-Since then, the security person and social media person have become my only sources of information. And we now have a Claims representative who is responsible for investigating the case and determining a payout. Last week, the second full week of this debacle, she told my aunt she was trying to find our lost merchandise. The person responsible for investigating the case.

When this first happened, I expected dusting for fingerprints, investigating all possible leads, FedEx consistently following up and showing me they were doing all things possible to find the cause of this, to find the person responsible. One of their employees.

Now? Now I just want to feel like someone did something. Now I just want to feel like they aren’t going to look the other way when one of their employees commits a felony on the clock. Like they don’t just let things like this go because it’s easier to pay out the insurance. Which, for them, it is. It’s really sad. Since this has happened, I’ve heard more stories from people with similar situations. They insured a package and never saw it again. For a big company like FedEx, it probably is easier to pay out the occasional insurance fee than to deal with security and isolating these types of issues. And that’s what really makes me mad.

So now I’m determined to become their press nightmare. I’ve sent a longer version of the above to their CEO and heard nothing, which makes sense… the fish stinks from the head and all that. So now I’m looking to send my story to any consumer advocate journalists/anyone else who will listen. If you know anyone or know of anyone who might help, please please send me their info.

For the lazy, here’s the “Too Long; Didn’t Read” version:

-A FedEx employee, on the clock, opened my mail (hi felony) and stole a precious family heirloom pair of diamond earrings.

-FedEx has now had 18 days to investigate this.

-So far they’ve done very little, have sucked at communicating, and have blatantly lied and mislead me.

-I’ve spent countless hours calling 1-800-GO-FEDEX, spoken to six different employees (each one hearing this story for the first time from me), emailed with others, have launched my own investigation in three states, and been ignored by the CEO.

-They need to pay, metaphorically and actually (still waiting on the Claims investigation for that one).

-I’m not taking this lying down. If I wasn’t so mad, I’d make a dirty joke here.