Does this come in striped?
(awesome quote courtesy of Jenver)
It’s never the things you think it’s going to be.
It’s not the sappy Today Show stories about the father who is dying and films a first dance with his 16-year-old daughter for her eventual wedding.
It’s not the stories about losing a parent to cancer.
It’s not the article in New York Magazine about the Oncologist who chronicles losing his wife to cancer (yeah, I don’t know why I read it either… clearly, I’m an embrace the pain type, sigh).
It’s every time I see an old guy on the street. Watching older men struggle takes me so quickly back to this time last year; the last time I saw my father. Thankfully, it’s sunglasses season outside, so no one on the street can tell I’m crying.
It’s the awkwardness with my mother. We’ve never been close, I’ve always meshed more with my father, but now I feel responsible for her. It’s a feeling I couldn’t have predicted and probably the hardest part of this whole thing.
The past 12 months have been incredibly busy and active and memorable. But they’ve also been a roller coaster of emotions and moments of breathless pain. It’s true what they say about grief: it eventually normalizes into a new reality. One where your father is dead and you still don’t quite know how to be close to your mom and you cry when you see old guys on the street. But as long as you’re trying, it’s all ok.
"If you suffer, thank God! It is a sure sign that you are alive." —Elbert Hubbard
I’m really glad I married the best advice giver I’ve ever met.
A few Friday night things, before I hit the hay
- Tonight, I made fancy chocolate-covered gummi bears for a friend’s baby shower tomorrow (and for me, obviously). They look vaguely like poop, but are delicious so… success?
- This week I went to Raleigh, NC for like 27 hours for work and all but fell in love with the triangle. Delicious food, cute towns, beautiful everywhere. If I didn’t have a full-time ban on living in the southeast, it would certainly be an option.
- The Nordstrom Anniversary Sale. I want ev-ery-thing. I kind of wish my birthday was in July so I would have an excuse to go cray.
- I’ve read a number of excellent books lately, but all of them are serious/intense/sad. I’ve also been in a serious/intense/sad mood, unrelated. But the books aren’t helping. Have a funny book to recommend? (Not by Tina or Mindy or anything like that, because I’ve already read those!)